Medication Deprivation

Since my last update I have undergone many changes none of which have resulted in me eating better or in the gym. Due to various social events I did not have access to my medication for a day. The day after I was simply too lazy to find it and take it. After that it became somewhat of an experiment. I did some research but decided to ignore the warnings and tried to quit Lexapro cold turkey.

It wasn't too bad for the first few days. I developed "brain zaps" and a slight headache around three days in. On Wednesday I had one of the worst headaches that I can remember and could barely walk around. I stayed up till 12:30 despite going to bed at 10:30. I ended that night with two allergy pills and half my prescribed dose of Lexapro to make the day after easier. Since then I've decided to ween myself off of the medication taking around half my medication less and less. I've been experiencing only mild headaches and no brain zaps. However my eating and sleeping habits are currently terrible. I'm staying up late to do homework and eating more and worse foods to deal with the stress. I woke up the other day feeling incredibly fat. Hopefully once all this school work ends I'll be stress free and can eat right and begin exercising.

We'll see how many excuses I continue to make to keep from doing either of these things.

Progress Report

As of today, I've stuck to my diet except for a grad party each week. I'm taking in a healthy amount of fats, carbs and proteins and have seen a noticeable difference in my physical appearance and strength. I feel much better about myself physically, but I havn't been able to go to the gym yet. And that is crucial in my plan. I've constantly made excuses not to go, and some are legitimate such as catching up on school work, or not having clothes (which I may have purposefully forgot).

Despite all of this, I feel a coldness creeping into me again. I hardness of my heart which results in my general lack of empathy. I decided to turn away from my best friend, perhaps out of convenience. The worst part is that I can live with that decision, turning away from the person who loves me the most. My quick temper is coming back as well, I easily become irritated and even angry at this point. I'll have to weather out this storm and hope for calmer seas later on.

Cheesecake

Yesterday I had some chocolate cheesecake that was in the office. I didn't have as much as I normally would, so that's an improvement. And that's after the couple of times turning down cake and ice cream and some other delicious snacks.

This morning I was being yelled at for something and I got much more mad than I usually have been lately. But i'm sure that without my medication that it would have turned into a full blown altercation and I would have been in a lot of trouble. Instead I kept my cool and didn't get in any trouble at all.

Time Constraints

These past few days I've been staying up late, which is not really that great for me and will more than likely be my excuse for skipping the gym today. That and I intentionally forgot clothes.

But, I've been waking up even later, which hinders my ability to eat a healthy breakfast and lunch. I instead made a peanut butter and jam sandwich on "100% Whole Wheat Bread". However, I've stopped eating bread as often the 3rd or 4th ingredient is HFCS (High Fructose Corn Syrup). So my breakfast was unhealthy and I packed a protein bar for lunch because it's 400 calories I'll be eating that I wouldn't have. I almost forgot my lunch would have been much worse.

I need to start getting to bed earlier in order to live a healthy lifestyle.

Mental Games

Yesterday I was supposed to go to the gym, however I psyched myself out of going. While walking downtown I told myself that people would laugh at me and I became really self conscious. I'll try again tomorrow.

Weekend

That concludes my first five days of dieting and I am still doing good. I went to a graduation party, yet resisted any forms of cookie and cake for some chicken and vegetables. I didn't record my diet over the weekend because I could not record and measure what I ate.

I feel like I've been eating much more but only took in less than 2000 calories the first two days of my diet. So I've been calibrating my diet so that I take in even more calories, even if it feels like I'm eating too much. This is evidence that my previous food intake were more calorie dense and not as filling primarily due to the processed nature of it.

Already I'm beginning to notice physical effects of my diet. While doing some pull-ups I responded much better and didn't struggle as much, despite not doing them. Also, last night I woke up and had diarrhea and again this morning. I may need to take in more dietary fiber. Working out starts today, even though I was up till 12:30 last night. Already feeling pretty good and not too tired at the moment. Going to see how that carries through the day.

First Day of Dieting

Today was my first day of tracking my diet, and I won't even get into exercising extensively yet. I decided not to plan out a diet, primarily due to my lack of preparation in the food itself. So, I've eaten healthier today, taking in a balance of carbs, fats and proteins. However, I simply did not eat enough, taking in only 1850 Calories (kcals).

Being that I'm school I can't eat every 3 hours, so I felt hunger pangs before lunch. Also during my internship and before I got home.

Mentally I felt fine, despite the fact that I am currently lacking concern about school and my future. I don't feel bad or depressed, however, I just am taking life day by day, I suppose.